The doctor is out…

Dr. Pepper is one of America’s beloved beverage brands, no doubt. What’s the best way to steal some of its thunder, then? By simply coming up with a soda brand that’s got a similar name to it. What’s the most American name you can think of? Bob. Kudos, guys.

Speaking of Bob…

We never saw the first three flicks at all, so we didn’t even know there was a toy line based around this character. Wait, you don’t mean Robocop, do you? Oh, so you’re sure it’s Robert Cop? Okay, nah, doesn’t ring a bell at all.

Do the… Lightning?

So, if you drink this, will you get struck by lightning? I mean, that’s the only possible outcome we could think of for being such cheapskates who couldn’t afford to buy the real thing. It sure as hell ain’t an energy drink, and it won’t taste as good as the Dew, for sure.

Skittles gone sour?

”What’s the best way to rename Skittles without making it sound too obvious? Oh, I know… Frittles! On top of that, let’s just make it sour so that the market doesn’t know we’ve ripped those other guys off!” That’s what they probably discussed while deciding on the name.

Jack Daniels was unavailable, so…

John Daphne isn’t exactly the best name for a knock off that we could think of. In fact, it’s pretty high up there among the worst. We just don’t know if it tastes like actual Jack Daniels. We don’t even care to find out either.

That’s saying a lot.

It’s bad enough that you have to rip off frozen pizza. Yet, to name it with such a brand? That’s just simply saying a lot about the obesity problems in “Murica. You know what, never mind, just give us the darned thing and we’ll eat it anyway.